| Rethinking it all | | Print | |
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I have always been vaguely aware of the difficulty faced by mums when it comes to making decisions about work. The need to work versus the urge to stay home, the urge to get back to work versus the expectation of staying home, do you go back part time or full time, what about child care, how much leave is unfair to your colleagues, how little leave is unfair to your baby. I had read many an article about this and dimly sympathised with the women for whom it is a mental battle to decide what to do. Until the option fell at my feet, though, I had never really noted the absolute battlefield of moral options, the fact that no matter what you decide, someone will find fault with it, and there will always be the nagging ache that you might be approaching it the wrong way. A friend of mine went back to work at eight weeks, because she needed the money and loved her job. She became used to the raised eyebrows when people learned this. Another friend went back after two years, for two days a week, and was filled with financial angst and the perceived need to be a domestic goddess on the homefront because her job was "just part time". Another was fulltime after a year off, and spent the first six months agonising about her baby, worrying every time the phone rang that it would be the childcare centre, and using her own sick leave to tend to her child when she was unwell. Another couldn't hack being at work at all, and resigned after three weeks back from leave, deciding financial sacrifices and being a one-income family was preferable to the ache and the guilt of being away from her baby and her home. It is a fascinating look at what can happen when society and instincts as old as time clash. I had always thought I would take about six to eight months off, return to work and have my baby part time in childcare, part time with family when I did. I loved my work and had worked hard throughout university and the early, poorly-paid days of my career to get where I was, and I didn't see why I needed to give that up. So when I became pregnant, and the time came to think about these things - my contract was due for renewal when the baby would be a few months old - it surprised me to realise every fibre of my being rebelled against signing up to return to the fold. How could I leave my baby with someone else? I was also surprised when my partner revealed he would prefer that I was home, too. But we couldn't live on just one salary. Thankfully, being a writer meant I could use my maternity leave to set up my own business, writing from home and still bringing in cash while being able to be close to my baby: and so far, so good. But what about those who don't have this option? The battle is a very hard one for most women: even those I know who have been comfortable with their decision have met with derision from others, which made them doubt themselves. And the saddest thing? It is mostly other women who criticise. Come on ladies; let's help each other out here. We are all fighting a different battle, and other women should be an understanding audience: a soft place to fall.
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