DO YOU BELIEVE YOU'RE NOT "GOOD ENOUGH"? ARE YOU SAYING THINGS TO YOURSELF SUCH AS "I CAN'T DO IT - I'M JUST NOT CREATIVE/BEAUTIFUL/SMART/INSERT-RELEVANT-WORD-HERE ENOUGH"? YOU MAY HAVE A CASE OF THE BS'S. THAT'S RIGHT, BELIEF SYSTEMS. PSYCHOLOGIST JACQUI MANNING EXPLAINS HOW YOU CAN TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR BS!

Belief Systems....we all have them. And in reality, they truly are all BS as none of them are factual, just subjective thoughts about the world that we begin collecting as soon as we are born, from our parents, teachers, friends and strangers.

There are various types of beliefs, but the ones that most commonly cause us heartache are Identity Beliefs.

Your identity consists of your beliefs about yourself - what sort of person you are, what you are capable of and how much you use of your capability will be determined by your identity. You can recognise when you're having an Identity BS moment when you hear yourself say the words "I am....x" or "I am not....x", for example "I'm stupid" or "I'm not a funny person".

You can feel so certain about these beliefs that you never even think to question them. You may have heard your parents or teachers describing you a certain way and never even entertained the thought that what they were saying might not be true.

Beliefs are cemented into our being as ‘certainties' through repetition, having the belief ‘confirmed' by how we interpret what someone says to you or how they act towards you. They are most powerfully glued inside our inner worlds when those moments are combined with feeling such as hurt, shame and embarrassment.

For example, I had a client come to me about her career path and the fact that she could not go for a particular promotion, one that she had a fantastic chance in getting, because in her mind she was "too stupid" to do so.

We explored where this belief had come from, and determined it came from her school days. Her family had moved around a lot and she had attended something like 10 primary schools by 5th grade. On her first day at her latest new school they were doing a maths test which involved long division. She hadn't covered long division at her old school but was too nervous to speak up and tell the teacher so she sat the test and of course failed. The teacher (in her great wisdom!) thought a great way to deliver the test results would be to have the pupils stand in order of lowest to highest marks, and she then re-arranged the desk formations to align with the test results, reinforcing the utter humiliation for this girl (and others I'm sure!).

For an entire term, this client of mine, already the nervous new kid on the block (again!), was reminded every day that she was the ‘dumbest in the class' because of the results of a test which she had no possibility of passing.

Was she the dumbest? Of course not, but this experience of being embarrassed and shamed in front of the whole class was powerful enough that from then on, that is what she believed about herself, right up until the day we worked on it in our session.

And the thing about our beliefs BS is, we then tend to look for ‘evidence' to back up the fact they're true. You get negative feedback on a university essay from a very tough tutor. Instead of seeing how your classmates went, or acknowledging this tutor is tough, internally you're saying "See? I must be stupid!" and it goes on.

Sound familiar?

So what can you do about your BS?

Firstly, become aware
How do you currently describe yourself to yourself? Start noticing your limiting beliefs and challenge them by questioning them.

Ask yourself what sort of person would you ultimately like to become? Start acting "as if" you are this kind of person already. If you're not sure how, find someone who is already like that and ask them how they do it. For example, you may not feel confident in social situations so find your most outgoing friend and ask them how they feel good when they meet strangers. Watch how they hold themselves and copy them - you'd be surprised how much effect a simple change of posture (head high, shoulders back) can have on your mood!

Break global beliefs down into sub-components.
For example, if you do believe you are not confident, start identifying situations where you lack confidence and then think of situations where you are more confident. This is the process of differentiation. Realise that lacking confidence is merely the way you act in certain situations, it's not who you are.

Design some new positive beliefs about yourself
Write them down or paint a picture with them, create a vision board for your new beliefs and reflect on them regularly

Strengthen your positive beliefs.
Look for references regularly to support them - go on a fact-finding mission for evidence, but only about your positive beliefs! Soon enough they'll get strong and become your new reality. Change your belief systems and you change your life.

*This column will be a fortnightly bite of goodness for your emotional selves, a little ‘spritzer' for your heart and soul. If you have a topic suggestion, please email me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Jacqui Manning is an expert in helping you alleviate inner stress and anxiety and to allow more positive energy to enter your life at work and home. She is a psychologist and the co-director of Mind Advantage (www.mindadvantage.com.au) in Balmain, Sydney.