DO YOU FIND YOURSELF DITHERING OVER DECISIONS, EVEN THE SMALL ONES? DO YOU FEEL PARALYSED WHEN YOU NEED TO TAKE ACTION ON A DECISION? PSYCHOLOGIST JACQUI MANNING HELPS YOU TAKE CHARGE AND START DECIDING WITH EASE!

I had to make a really big career decision very recently. One that required a lot of thought and consideration and led to some hours of thinking, writing and talking about it. In the end, once I had made it, the lightness and excitement I felt about the decision confirmed that my gut instincts were (as always!) right for me.

What about you? Do you find yourself in a constant state of paralysis when you have to make even simple choices, such as what to wear or choose from a menu? One of the reasons we may get so confused over what to do is that we are faced with far more options than ever before.

In a recent study, Professor Hazel Rose Markus from Stanford University found that too much choice is making us bewildered and depressed because it is crippling us with indecision. She said that people generally become fixated with what their decision will say about them as a person, and then when they have finally made a choice, they worry that it was the wrong one, leading to regret and uncertainty.

So how do you circumvent this cycle, given we live in a modern society that prides itself on giving people more opportunities and choice than ever before?

Here are a few tried and tested techniques that I have found helpful for myself and my clients over the years:

Follow your intuition
This is the most important one of all. We all have an inner voice that lives inside, deep in our psyche or spirit that gives us sound advice, every single time. It always has something to say when you need to make a decision; the trick is learning to tune in and listen to it and take action on it.
A very common story I hear from my clients is that they "always knew", but it was emotionally difficult to make that decision at the time. Which of course it is. However, when you hear warning signals time and time again, or that little voice starts screaming at you to do something (now!), you can't ignore it anymore.
Start by getting to know your ‘vibes' with the small issues first so you can learn to trust it for when the big decisions come your way.

Time limit
If you are thinking of making a big decision, such as leaving a relationship or a job, then give yourself a time frame for taking action. Say to yourself "If I still feel like this in 3 or 6 or12 months time (you choose the time frame that suits you best), then I have to do X".

Weigh up every possibility - the pros and cons grid
This helps you assess the decision from every direction, which helps you see the reality of the situation and gives you clarity.
To use the example of leaving a relationship, write down the left hand side of a big blank page the two options: Staying or leaving. Across the top of the page write the positives and negatives. So you will explore the decision four ways: the positives and negatives of staying, and the positives and negatives of leaving. Exploring the issue in this way gives you more depth and nuances as to what you might experience or what you may be fearful of. And the most important thing, be completely honest with yourself!

Write it down
If you don't want to do a pros and cons grid, then at least write down your thoughts, either in a journal or on your computer. Getting your minds musings down on paper helps as it gives your head perspective and some space to allow other thoughts or possibilities to flow.

Talking is valuable, not cheap
If you've got a trusted friend or partner, talk over the options with them. You may or may not want to ask their opinions, but having the opportunity to ‘vent' can be very valuable. If you feel uncomfortable talking to someone in your real life, then talk to a counsellor. Having someone objective to your life reflecting what you value and feel can be a very enlightening and time-effective way to come to a conclusion.

How does your heart sing?
If all else fails, flip a coin or swing a pendulum. I'm serious. If the answer makes your heart sink, then you know you want to go the other way. However if it sings and you give an internal fist-pumping "yes!", then you know you're on the right path.

*This column is a fortnightly bite of goodness for your emotional selves, a little ‘spritzer' for your heart and soul. If you have a topic suggestion, please email me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Jacqui Manning is a psychologist and the director of Mind Advantage in Balmain, Sydney. She specialises in helping individuals get more happiness in their lives, work and relationships. To book an appointment or for more information, go to www.mindadvantage.com.au or call (02) 9555 8806