DO YOU ALWAYS FEEL YOU ARE BUTTING YOUR HEAD AGAINST A WALL WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR CHILD'S BEHAVIOUR? IF YES, READ ON. AS KATE FILMER EXPLAINS IT'S AS EASY AS CHANGING YOU DIALOGUE.

Children love attention. They are always searching for acknowledgement and for self recognition. They distinguish and accept themselves and their existence, via the responses they receive from you as a parent and the other people in their lives. Even though there actions are their own, they are really doing all of what you ask and expect them to do. "What?" I hear you say, "My child does not always do what I ask and expect them to do." Well, I'm here to let tell you that they actually do. Oddly, we seem to spend most of our time focused on avoiding bad behaviour and on what our children are doing wrong. In effect, wrong, is exactly what they do! "Don't spill your drink Leroy!" I hear you call out. Next thing, Leroy has spilt his drink. "Leroy, I told you not to spill your drink!"

In this, our magical world of creation, you always get what you ask for. Your words, thoughts and feelings, when in alignment, create your life experience. When you are focussing on avoiding an event, you are in a state of fear and fearing an event puts you in perfect alignment to attract it. The universe does not recognise words like ‘won't',‘don't', ‘not' and ‘no', So when you ask Leroy "not to spill his drink", your actually asking him to do so. Plus your thoughts and feelings are focused on the fear that he will and so, you are in complete alignment with it happening.
Now can you tell me that your children are not forever obedient?

The only time you get away with using a negatively framed sentence, is if your thoughts and feelings are aligning with Leroy keeping his drink safely in his cup. Preparation is key! Talking to your children about what you expect from them before an event and the words you use to convey what you desire, are very important.

Let's say you are in the car heading to the grocery store. You say to your child, "Now when we are there, don't touch everything and don't be naughty. The last time we went to the shops, it was very embarrassing. I am not in the mood to put up with the stress. Otherwise, there will be no going to the park and that's final."  Keeping in mind that the thoughts we think, the words we say and the feelings we omit, create our life experiences, I will now translate to you what you have actually asked your child and the universe for - "Now when we are there, touch everything and be naughty. The last time we went to the shops, it was very embarrassing. I am in the mood to put up with the stress. We will be going to the park and that is final." You leave the shops absolutely frustrated and defeated with your attempts at good parenting because your child was a terror.

Have you ever heard the saying "it's not what you say, it's how you say it" Well lets flip that right around and get to the truth of the matter. "It is what you say and not how you say it."

Step one - Create the scene
Visualise everything falling into place as you tell your child exactly what you do want them to do. As in, "Now when we are there, keep your hands to yourself and be a good kid. I know how clever you are and you know how to behave. Today I am in the mood to be happy. If you do good things, good thing will happen to you, like we could go to the park."
Trust me, all children love proactive talk!

Step two - There word is as powerful as yours
Ask them to repeat what you said. "So, what are we going to do at the grocery store and how are we going to act?" If your child stumbles, reiterate what you said and then repeat your question. If they aren't interested, just reinforce the positive by saying, "I know you will be good, because you are a good kid!"

Step three - The positive aftermath
Once the event is over, list all the positives things they did do right. Kids love enthusiasm, I bet if they have made you angry, you wouldn't yell at them in a monotone voice. So please, be enthusiastic!

New dialogue takes time to get comfortable with, so be patient with yourself. Soon it will be second nature you and you will be speaking exactly what you desire. Your child will love this new positive focus and be elated at the fact that they are impressing you with they're good behaviour.

Kate Filmer is a 30yrs young self help author and entrepreneur. She has owned multiple businesses and is the mother of two empowered young girls. Her methods in teaching others draw from her own life experience and from the blissful, clear connection she feels to The Energy That Is. Her passionate goal in life is to assist others to strive forward on their chosen path, with peace and enthusiasm. www.hiddenpath.com.au