I've had four surfing lessons now and I'm improving albeit slowly. I've always been a ‘run before you can walk' kind of person so having an instructor who makes sure that I've got something as right as I can before moving on is good for me. I'm particularly proud of myself for the last lesson. It was an early Saturday morning and the rain and wind were out in force making it really quite chilly. I would have much preferred to stay in my nice warm bed but dragged myself out there and had the most fun I've ever had trying to surf. The sun made valiant attempts to shine, resulting in a beautiful rainbow over the ocean for most of the lesson. It was impossible not to feel at peace afterwards.

A strange thing has happened. I am feeling more and more like my old self without trying. I am not snapping at people for no reason as much, I love my job again and am taking an interest in things around me for the first time in a while. Relaxing comes more naturally, and after weeks of trying to force myself to have and be fun, fun is also coming naturally. The only thing I can ‘blame' it on is the surfing. I think it's a combination of the ‘exercise,' and being with nature. The amount of concentration needed to learn something new helps too - during those two hours there's no room in my head for anything except trying to stay on the board.

I've always felt that being with and being aware of nature is essential for honing your gut instincts. We might be individual human beings, but the fact that we are connected to everything else is one thing that hippies and scientists agree on. Spending more time in the ocean and listening to my instructor tell me about constellations on our drive home have reminded me of this. I don't need to stress about things as much because I have faith in the universe again. I'm beginning to sound a little like a hippy again and I like that. It's a part of met that I've missed.

I had a house inspection last week. Suddenly all the unpacking and tidying that had been on my detested ‘to do' list for months was done. The house has never looked cleaner and it really is a haven to come home to. Slowly I am reclaiming my life and recreating it just the way I want. There is one immediate outstanding thing - my complete and utter lack of writing for my writer's group. I started this group in January because writing was something that I've loved my entire life. I have probably attended half of the sessions, never with anything to read out, and always with a sickening sense of dread and guilt. Tackling this is my next challenge to myself. There's no point worrying about making an idiot of myself; I couldn't possibly look more silly than I do falling off a surfboard.