Do you ever get frustrated that the coachee you're working with just isn't progressing at all? Do you worry that maybe it's you and that you're just not a good enough coach? Do you worry that maybe the coachee is actually un-coachable?

Even the most experienced coaches struggle at times to help a client shift from where they're at to where they want or need to be. It's OK. It happens.

It's important to know that the primary reason we might label a coachee as "un-coachable" is because the amount of reluctance to the process they are demonstrating. Underperforming can also be a form of passive resistance. There are possibly lots of reasons we could be exploring but my experience has shown that general reluctance is the big issue.

One of the most widely respected books on coaching is The Complete Guide to Coaching at Work by the highly respected Perry Zeus and Suzanne Skiffington. In their book, they explain that as well as the fear of change, there are several other reasons why individuals may be reluctant to the coaching process.

The first is blatant resistance where the coachee is displaying very obvious signs, behaviours and even language to demonstrate they have no interest in the coaching process.

The second form of resistance is less obvious and we may not even discover it until we have already conducted a number of sessions. The coachee appears to be enthusiastic about the coaching process, goals and strategies but does not change and the goals are never achieved.

Options to address resistance

When the resistance is blatant, the primary option is generally to share your observation of the resistance directly with the coachee and discuss what's happening. In most cases, the coachee is prepared to discuss their feelings about coaching and may volunteer quite a bit of information that you can either work with to address and resolve, or which results in an agreement to not pursue coaching.

When we're dealing with the less obvious forms of resistance, the coachee may not even be aware of what's happening. It is still useful to raise the client's awareness of your observations and thoughts on the coaching progress; engage in the conversation fully and honestly and work with what comes up.

Zeus and Skiffington list the following factors which may contribute to a person's resistance around coaching:

• Personality variables - It might just not be a good match between coach and coachee for a variety of reasons.
• Unwillingness to accept scope for improvement - Some coachees may not want to admit or acknowledge the "truth" of the situation because of their fear of what admitting the need may mean for them, their self-image, career, etc.
• Mistrust of the organisation (for workplace coaching) - If not clearly articulated AND believed, the reasons for the organisation to engage a coach to work with the individual could be doubted as a ploy to manage them out of the business.
• Fear of failure - This is one of the most common fears as most coaches are aware of. Many people are afraid of trying new things because the consequences of failure is something they are more afraid of than simply not meeting their goals.
• Drifting - Some people are more comfortable drifting through life than they are with any pressure to perform more effectively or to be more focused or disciplined.

In all of these instances, you have numerous choices of strategies to consider. The below are a combination of my own experience and insights as well as some of the strategies Zeus and Skiffington highlight:

• Discuss your observations, thoughts and feelings with the coachee and ask for their response.
• Listen attentively and respectfully to the coachee's thoughts and feelings, regardless if they are negative or positively framed.
• Know the necessary balance of being gentle and being direct with the coachee as you describe your observations. Find the approach that will work best for the coachee, not what makes you feel the most comfortable.
• Establish reasons for the coachee not "breaking through", list them and start looking for one or two solutions for each real or perceived obstacle.
• Review the benefits of coaching and how best to achieve those benefits.
• Establish the values, purpose, ethics and "rules" of coaching.
• Write up new agreements about how you and the coachee will work together that includes how you will address resistance, reluctance and underperforming if these occur.
• Revisit the agreement if these situations occur to make sure the agreement is still valid.
• Be clear about the consequences of underperforming and/or choosing to end the coaching relationship, particularly in workplace coaching if the organisation or the coachee's manager has certain stakeholder expectations that will now need to be managed. Commit to how these next steps will occur, by whom and what specifically will be communicated. (Consider privacy here as well as the organisation's need to understand the reasons underpinning the situation.)
• At all times be honest and respectful for any steps taken to continue or end the coaching relationship, and with all stakeholders involved.

Know when to push forward and when to stop trying

After having a conversation with the client about the perceived or real reluctance, there are of course three main options to consider as Zeus and Skiffington point out:

• Refuse to work with the reluctant client - This needs to be handled very carefully as you can imagine and could have some other consequences for the coach within the organisation.
• Refer the coachee to a more appropriate coach for them at this time - This requires having a good referral network in place.
• Accept that reluctance is simply one of the challenges of coaching and work through it.

Personally, I've had to use all three of these options from time to time and my professional recommendation to wrap this article up is to accept that you will also have to use each of these options from time to time in your coaching career. It is the reality of life or workplace coaching and it doesn't mean there is necessarily anything "wrong" with you.

The next issue of "Coach the Coach" will explore the Perceptual Position coaching model.

If there are any topics you'd like me to cover in this column, please feel invited to email me directly with your requests through my website (see link in bio).

Noel Posus is a master coach with 20+ years experience as a professional educator, coach and author. He won the prestigious "Coach of the Year" award in 2008 and 2009 and is an ambassador/leader for the coaching industry. www.noelposus.com