One of the best models taught to me by my coach, Allan Parker, that is important for all of you to also be aware of is called the Content-Process-Relationship (CPR) model which explores the importance of focusing on, negotiating and agreeing to the needs of the relationship first before attempting to achieve any individual or group's goals.

You may find the information in this article that much easier to absorb if you've also read the previous issue of "Coach the Coach" on "Perceptual Positioning".

There are three components to this model:

• Content - These are the outcomes someone is trying to achieve. They could be goals, selling a product or just "being heard".

• Process - This is the "how" we achieve the goals.

• Relationship - This is the most critical component of this model and the one most often neglected or skipped. Here we're focused on the needs of the relationship.

Traditionally, people identify what they want (content) and then choose a process they think will achieve what they want. This might be 1st position goals (all about me and my needs/wants) or they could be from 2nd (about another person's needs) or 3rd (about a group's needs) perceptual position.

Although this approach can certainly be effective, it is generally only effective at a minimum level when it is actually working.

The reason for this reduced effectiveness is that it's often one-way, or one person controlling the situation to get what they want achieved and doesn't take into consideration the various needs of the other person or people involved or related to the goals.

However, if we focus on the needs of the relationship first and actually take time to ask questions about each person's needs, desires, preferred way of operating (including communicating) and the roles, rights, responsibilities and permissions of the relationship, we are then able to negotiate and set agreements about the best way to nurture the relationship.

Once we have appropriately established and set agreements about the relationship, then all stakeholders have the opportunity to have their needs met. It's called "achieving mutually beneficial outcomes".

You then choose the processes that best match the relationship needs.

When you get that right, everyone can have their needs (content) met far more effectively and efficiently.

Why is this so important for coaches to know about?

I'm sure you'll find there are many times when working with a client where they're talking about their own needs but seem oblivious to the needs of others, or how their goals and approach might impact others.

It is your responsibility to help them see these blind spots or opportunities for increased awareness.

This isn't to say that your client is being selfish. In fact, you are encouraging the client to think about themselves and what they want.

But you do have to support the client in their critical thinking, understanding of cause and effect and how to be wiser in their approaches.

Coaching Tips

• Start with negotiating the relationship needs between yourself and your client. Once that is established and which processes suit that relationship, it will be much easier to support the client to achieve what they want from the coaching relationship (the content).

• Encourage the client to go into 2nd and 3rd position and see their topic/situation from the perspective of another person, or a group, or as an external and impartial observer. These are various relationship perspectives that can help the coachee understand how others think, feel, see and experience the same situation. This information could be very useful for the coachee to make decisions that take these perspectives into account..

• Teach the coachee this model and discuss how they could use it to negotiate relationship needs with colleagues, direct reports, their manager, their partner, family, children, and friends and so on. This is a "life skill" and is related to the capabilities of open communication, relationship development and maintenance, negotiation, conflict resolution, setting expectations and much more.

• Ask the coachee, "What's the wise thing to do?" When we ask people to be wise, they generally think from a broader perspective than simply what they want for themselves. They start including information about what other people want, relationship needs, consequences of decisions, etc. They start making far more holistic decisions.

Resource - If you are interested in researching more on this topic or knowing more about Allan Parker and his book, The Negotiator's Toolkit and/or other available resources, please visit http://www.peakpd.com.

The next issue of "Coach the Coach" will explore the Wheels of Life coaching model.

If there are any topics you'd like me to cover in this column, please feel invited to email me directly with your requests through my website (see link in bio).

Noel Posus is a master coach with 20+ years experience as a professional educator, coach and author. He won the prestigious "Coach of the Year" award in 2008 and 2009 and is an ambassador/leader for the coaching industry. www.noelposus.com