I bet you have some clients that complain a lot about their life and blame others for their situations.

You probably also have worked with clients who want to save everyone else, and sometimes get themselves into trouble when they try.

And you might also have some clients who make decisions that end up hurting others, and possibly your client doesn't notice or worse, care.

These are examples of the three main characters in the "Drama Triangle".

The Drama Triangle is a psychological and social model of human interaction (part of "transactional analysis"). Specifically, the drama triangle is looking at three specific roles:

• The person who is treated as, accepts the role of, a victim
• The person who pressures, coerces or persecutes the victim
• The rescuer, who intervenes out of an ostensible wish to help the situation or the underdog

As a coach, you most likely see your clients demonstrate these roles at different times, even if your clients may be unaware of it.

You might notice that the roles change to as the "drama plays out". For example, someone who really wants to help someone, but doesn't have permission or ability to do so, can end up being viewed as a persecutor, and after the realisation of that, the same person can then end up feeling like a victim.

Similarly, victims can look for rescuers who will have no ability to rescue them. When that person fails, the victim will often feel even more victimised.

Most of the time people don't realise their in these roles and the attitudes and behaviour drivers are subconscious.

However, I have certainly found that if I describe the drama triangle to a client and ask them what they think of it and if they see anything in the model that might relate to the situation they're in, the great majority of the time the client say, "Oh my, that is exactly what I'm doing. I had not idea. How do I change that?"

That said, I have only ever described this model to a client where we have already established a great deal of rapport and trust, and where raising this concept can be viewed openly and with curiosity.

When that framework hasn't been established up front, the client may feel hugely confronted by the model and you, the well-meaning coach, have become the persecutor.

Each role operates in a particular way:

• Victims are helpless and hopeless. They deny responsibility for their negative circumstances, and deny possession of the power to change them
• Rescuers are constantly applying short-term repairs to a victim's problems, while neglecting their own needs
• Persecutors blame the victims and criticise the enabling behaviour of the rescuers, without providing guidance, assistance or a solution to the underlying problem

Although much of the time we see examples of victim mentality, please don't assume that is the majority position. In fact, just about everyone plays each of the roles at one point or another.

What I personally find quite interesting is that if a victim doesn't have any current issues to complain about, they will often create one to keep the drama alive. Similarly, rescuers specifically look for someone to rescue whether that person needs it or not and persecutors are often looking for judge.

In the online article, "The Drama Triangle", by Steve Karpmann who quotes "Scripts People Live By" by Claude Steiner, and "Born To Win" by Muriel James, we have been provided with some additional examples of how each of these roles behaves and feels.

Persecutor - "It's all your fault"

• Sets strict limits unnecessarily
• Blames
• Criticises
• Keeps the victim oppressed
• Is mobilised by anger
• Rigid, authoritative stance
• "Critical" parent

Victim - "Poor me"

• Feels victimised, oppressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed
• Looks for a rescuer that will perpetuate their negative feelings
• If the victim stays in victim mode, they will block themselves from making decisions, solving problems, receiving pleasure and gaining self-understanding
• :Dejected" stance

Rescuer - "Let me help you"

• Rescues when really doesn't want to
• Feels guilty if not able to rescue
• Keeps victims dependent
• Gives permission to fail
• Expects to fail in rescue attemptso "Marshmallow" parent

If you would like to know more about The Drama Triangle, there's a wealth of information you can find on the internet in a simple search. You can also check out the various Coaching Tools and Resources websites for coaching specific information on this topic.

The next issue of "Coach the Coach" will look at how to establish a coaching contract or agreement and the benefits of having one in place from the beginning, regardless of the type of coaching you do.

If there are any topics you'd like me to cover in this column, please feel invited to email me directly with your requests through my website (see link in bio).

Noel Posus is a master coach with 20+ years experience as a professional educator, coach and author. He won the prestigious inaugural "Coach of the Year" award (2008/2009), Finalist in the Coaching Business of the Year (2010) and is an ambassador/leader for the coaching industry. www.noelposus.com