I have complete faith that you really put all of you into your coaching sessions. You open up your mind and heart to your clients' experiences and needs. You are honest, respectful, caring, generous...the list goes on. And then comes the day when you suspect your client is lying to you about something.

You may have actual evidence that the "story has changed" or "something doesn't add up here" or it might just be intuition. Wherever it's coming from, the thought is now in your head and you can't seem to get rid of it. I know this feeling and it used to scare me because I didn't know what to do with it. I thought that it might be too confronting to challenge a client, or that I was bringing my own "stuff" to the coaching session. I learnt, as I'm sure you have or are now or will learn, that sometimes your client does lie to you and it does sit within your responsibilities as a professional coach to address what you believe is happening.

Here are some tips as to how to address this:

• First, it is ethical and responsible that you first check to see if this is actually your "stuff" and if you're unfairly viewing the situation you perceive in any way. If you're unsure on this front, engage a coaching supervisor to assist you in the discovery process.
• You can check with the client that you have heard / understood them correctly. For example, "May I just check with you that I've understood what you're saying correctly?"
• You may find that it's also useful to be even more direct. For example, "May I have your permission to tell you what I'm thinking or feeling at the moment?" When the client gives you permission, you could say, "My intuition is telling me that there may be more to the situation that what you're sharing at the moment, or that possibly there may be other truths here. I'm really quite OK to be ‘wrong' about this and I feel it's important to discuss this further. Would you be open to that conversation?"

Of course, it's also important to be in 2nd position here (see previous article on Perceptual Positioning) and work to understand what the possible reasons a client may have for not telling the truth.

Examples include:

• They think they are telling the truth.
• They're perception or feelings of the situation are different than the facts.
• They may feel concerned they'll be judged negatively if they tell the truth.
• They haven't yet felt they've developing a trusting rapport with you.
• Lying may be a behaviour habit for them and there are reasons for this.
• They don't want to let you down.
• They don't want to admit the truth and let themselves down.

What other reasons can you think of here?

The most important strategy you can put into place is from the very first meeting with the client, possibly even before you agree to work with them, to establish an agreement about trust and honesty in coaching. Help them feel that it is safe to be honest, even if they're not comfortable or proud of the truth. It's OK, you won't judge them.

You'll need to check in on this agreement regularly where you feel it is appropriate to do so. You may need to amend the agreement. The coach may need to agree to modify their behaviour AND YOU might need to also agree to modify yours if it will create a more honesty-supporting environment. Be open to feedback that you need to change instead of only expecting the client to.

That said, there will be times despite the agreement that a client may lie to you. It could be a lie about why they didn't do their homework (they don't want to let you down or be judged for their inaction), or it could be a lie about not being able to pay for the service, or any number of things. Always check in with the client about the choices they're making in terms of what they're saying to you and why. Ask them specifically about their choice of wording. That will provide better outcomes then asking them about their choice of lying to you.

You may find at some point in your coaching career, as I have in mine, that every now and then you might even need to put an end to the coaching relationship because of the lack of honesty.

When I've had to take this step, I've said to the client, "We've discussed from the beginning of our relationship the importance of honesty if coaching is going to be effective. My concern is that there are still too moments when you're not being honest with yourself and/or with me. We've talked through this quite a few times and the situation hasn't improved appropriately enough for the coaching relationship to be successful. I believe we have come to the stage where it's more ethical and appropriate that we discontinue coaching for the time being. I'm happy to commence again when you feel whatever it is that you need to feel, in order to be fully honest with yourself and me."

The next issue of "Coach the Coach" will explore the challenges of when a client is not paying their bills and how you can address that.

If there are any topics you'd like me to cover in this column, please feel invited to email me directly with your requests through my website (see link in bio).

Noel Posus is a master coach with 20+ years experience as a professional educator, coach and author. He won the prestigious inaugural "Coach of the Year" award (2008/2009), Finalist in the Coaching Business of the Year (2010) and is an ambassador/leader for the coaching industry. www.noelposus.com