"Of course I had an inkling I had money problem, but I just kept not looking. This went on for ages, just ignoring money, until my phone was cut off and I got denied a credit card on the same day!" Jennifer, a single town planner confessed at the seminar. "I am not sure why I let it get that bad: I'm smart, I have a uni degree for goodness sake, I just couldn't get a handle on my money"

What is this invisible thing that stops us otherwise capable women dealing with money issues? Why are we reduced to tears by the thought of looking at superannuation, insurances, and retirement planning?

I believe women are hard wired with so many messages from the media, our parents, and society that we just carry out this unconscious programming rather than really working out what is in your best interest. Let's look at these messages briefly and how they relate to money.

Parental messages: For the ones of us with baby boomer parents often mum stopped working the minute she married, becoming fully dependant on her husband with no income of her own or career outside the home, leaving mum disempowered financially. Even if mum did manage to create a career, the time spent away from employment while raising children, coupled with the generally lower paid professions and the glass ceiling, rarely left mum financially empowered. The generations before the baby boomers had huge financial challenges during war time and the great depression, giving a whole set of scarcity messages to their kids. As children all these complex family messages about money are observed and stored away.

Society messages: any of these sound familiar?

• Play fair and share
• Be polite, compliant
• Consider others first
• Someone will rescue you
• Money doesn't buy you happiness
• Talking about money is crass
• It's better to be good than rich

(Boys growing up generally got a whole different set of messages: Winning is good, be Assertive, Be Independent, Money is power, be a good provider/breadwinner, Ask for what you want).

Media messages: We are bombarded with media messages, be thin, be a sex goddess, be well dressed, be the perfect hostess, have a great home, crash through the glass ceiling, be thin, your kids are most important, make your partner happy, drive the right car, be a great cook, be a great friend... did I mention be thin? If we do not have a strong sense of self, then these media messages tend to become our aspirational default setting.

Add together the above family, society, and media messages and what do you get? A whole generation of exhausted, overwhelmed and financially scared women, unable to move forward confidently with money issues, with a vague feeling they are not good enough.

Please stop beating yourself up and realize the reason you are in a money fog a lot of the time is because you are just reacting constantly to the programmed messages, rather than seeing money for what it really is: the means to have a life of your dreams.

Like anything else, dealing with your money is a just another skill to develop. But the brilliant news is it's very easy to do and you have a lot of help at your finger tips. Accountants, financial planners, mentors, investment clubs, friends, courses, books and the internet are just some of the resources you can access right now. Change the conversation with your girlfriends and start talking about money. Find a financial coach. Make sure you talk to people wealthier than you... it rubs off you know!

Financial empowerment is a process. Start the process now with 4 things you can do immediately to start lifting the fog:

Take Charge Now:

• Write down on a piece of paper the value of everything you own and the value of everything you owe.
• Write down the amount of income you have coming in after tax and the amount of regular bills, e.g. rent, mortgage, credit card payments, phone, gym etc.
• Take 10 minutes to imagine your best life, dreams you have, places you wish to visit, experiences you wish to have, everything you would ideally want to be do and have. Write this down.
• Write down a list of all the things that are niggling away in the back of your mind, that are not working for you e.g. still haven't got a will, have lost track of my super, not sure if interest rate is good on my savings account, check out my credit rating, no emergency savings, want to start saving for children's' education but don't know where to start, not sure about insurances.

Catherine Lezer is a small business owner, property investor and inspirational speaker on the topic of women and money through her Rich Chicks seminars. For more information visit www.richchicks.com.au