Is fear of loneliness ruling your life? Do you fear not finding the partner you want and stay in an unfulfilled relationship or find it difficult to break up with your current partner as a result? Are you worrying or stressing about being alone and are, therefore, settling for less than you desired just to have a relationship with someone? Do you find yourself adjusting your behaviour to be accepted by your partner so you don't lose them?

Let's Get Clear About the Fear

Before you can effectively address the fear of being alone, first you need to acknowledge the type of fear it is - is it a past fear, a fear of or anxiety. Here are some guidelines to assist you:

Past fear

Fear is an emotion. Anytime we feel fear that is in proportion to the situation we are faced with, the emotion is appropriate for us. However, anytime we feel out of proportion fear it is a sign that the fear from the past is unresolved for us. If you find yourself overreacting to your partner's request for space or are held back from ending an unfulfilling relationship because you are scared, you may have past fear to address.

Fear of...

In addition to past fears, some people have a fear of specific things or situations. Common "fear of" examples for relationships include: fear of success, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of being judged, fear of being alone, fear of being hurt, etc. These "fear of" are actually limiting beliefs rather than emotions, and can also hold us back from being our true self, behaving the way we want to and saying what we feel like saying in a relationship.

Anxiety

Anxiety is worrying about what could go wrong or focusing on what could go wrong in the relationship, rather than thinking about the relationship being a success. While the above types of fears all relate to past fears of one type or another, anxiety relates to future fear or worry. It is much easier to let go of anxiety once the past fears have been addressed first.
Once we identify the specific type of fear, it is then important to let it go. Fears, fear of and anxiety hold us back from being ourselves and from having the relationship we desire. The best way to be free of the fear once and for all is to address it in a safe and comfortable way, without having to relive the fear of the past in order to let it go.
Give Yourself Permission

Perhaps you are aware of exactly what you want in a relationship, yet you are doing nothing about it. Maybe you want to get into a new relationship, improve an existing relationship or end a disempowering one? Yet, these remain unfulfilled dreams, waiting to be turned into a reality.

Anytime you make excuses for not taking action towards your dreams, you are excusing yourself from having what you want. These excuses can take the form of limiting beliefs and self doubts. For example, do you believe that you are worthy, deserving and good enough to have what you really want? If so, then you just need to give yourself permission to have it and to start taking action towards it. If not, you will need to address those beliefs so that they stop limiting you from having what you really want.

Stop Sitting on The Fence

Decide what you want and follow through on it. Stop hedging your bets either way just in case. For example, I want to leave this disempowering relationship yet like the security of having a relationship with a partner now, or I want to be in a relationship, yet like the freedom of being single. That lack of commitment to what you really want will be transmitted as mixed energy to the universe. Once you make a commitment to yourself and to what you really want, the universe will support you and you will start to attract the people and resources to assist you with having what you really want.

Go for the best and forget the rest

Avoid settling for second best. Know what you really want and then avoid compromising yourself. For example, if you want a relationship that satisfies all of your eight needs, avoid settling for one that only meets two of your needs, and telling yourself or thinking that it is better than nothing or at least it is a relationship. Never settle for less than what you really want as any time you do, you send a very disempowering message to your unconscious that you do not deserve to have what you really want.

Imagine the fulfilment of letting go of your fears, anxieties and self doubts around being alone, and making a commitment to yourself to attract and keep the relationship you truly want.

Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is the founder of award-winning company Qt, an NLP Trainer, who holds a PhD in Clinical Hypnotherapy and a BEc. She is an author, speaker and the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques. For more techniques on improving your relationships and for your FREE gifts, visit www.qttransformation.com

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