Many of us have been personally touched by the recent floods and fires around Australia. This can be a challenging time for both those directly affected by these events and for those whose friends and loved ones have been affected. Below are some strategies to assist you and your loved ones in dealing with this grief and loss.

We can feel grief any time that we experience any type of loss. Often the people surrounding the person who is grieving feel helpless and are unsure of how to respond and assist them. This article will provide you with some insights as to how to best empower yourself and others in dealing with any type of grief and loss.

What are grief and loss?

Grief and loss are emotions, just like anger and fear are emotions. Grieving is a natural human process and it is important that we allow ourselves and others to feel grief after a loss. We can feel grief and loss after losing a loved one, a pet, a friend, a job, our home or property, after a relationship break up, when we move interstate or overseas and lose friends and/or our sense of identity, or any time any relationship, project or situation ends or concludes. In these situations it is appropriate for you, friends and loved ones to feel a range of emotions, including grief and loss.

The Grieving Process

The degree of grieving can vary depending on the situation and the person. At the same time, if you or your loved ones feel overwhelming grief or loss, it is a sign that these emotions are unresolved and may be affecting your relationships, work performance and life. The grieving process can be as short or as long as the person who is grieving feels it needs to be. Generally, the grieving process is shorter if the person who is grieving is complete with the person that has left them, passed away or with the situation that has happened. So if the person has the opportunity to say or express what is on their mind, how they feel and there is nothing left unsaid, they will be totally complete with the person or situation. Completion is an important part of the grieving process. Therefore, it is important that you allow yourself and others the time and space to fully deal with grief and loss.

Are you allowing yourself to grieve?

If we do not allow ourselves sufficient time to grieve and instead suppress our emotions and soldier on as if all is well, this can create other challenges, including lack of sleep, stress, frustration, feeling overly responsible, guilt and can even result in ill health. Our beliefs can also impact on the degree to which we grieve. For example, if we have a belief that it is not OK to express our emotions or if we were brought up not to grieve, these beliefs can prevent us from giving ourselves permission to grieve. Addressing any limiting beliefs around grieving will greatly assist in the grieving process.

Supporting others

It is important that there is a supportive environment for those experiencing grief or loss, that we show them empathy and understanding and that they are given an opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings with others. Below are 5 things to keep in mind when supporting a friend or loved one during the grieving process:

1. Respect the friend's/loved one's pace. Be there to support them and avoid rushing them through the grieving process. Allow them to set the pace and duration of their grieving process.
2. Respect the friend's/loved one's need for space and time alone. Some people need to be on their own and have the space to grieve in a way that is appropriate for them, whether it be time off work, time alone during the day, etc. Avoid imposing your views or beliefs on them, instead have a conversation with them to understand their needs so that you can respect these.
3. Offer help and support rather than being too pushy with your help. By offering your help and support, the friend/loved one will ask for this help when they are ready. Some people are not used to asking for help and need time to take this step; others like to work through their own issues themselves first and then only ask for help if necessary.
4. When the friend/loved one is ready to talk, be there for them and take the time to listen to them. Be careful about offering advice or solving any problems unless they ask you for help. Some people just need a caring ear and someone to listen to them, so respect their need to be heard.
5. If the friend/loved one becomes overly emotional, frustrated or sad, avoid taking it personally or overreacting to their emotions. Realise that their response is to the situation rather than to you as a person.

While challenging, dealing with grief and loss can be a more comfortable journey when we allow ourselves to express our emotions and when we surround ourselves with supportive people, and are there to support others.

Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is the founder of award-winning company Qt, an NLP Trainer, who holds a PhD in Clinical Hypnotherapy and a BEc. She is an author, speaker and the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques. For more techniques on improving your relationships and for your FREE gifts, visit www.qttransformation.com

Dr. Grubacevic is offering free support to people directly affected by the recent floods and fires in Australia. Please contact her if you or someone you know has been directly affected so that she can assist them in dealing with their grief and loss.