SOMETIMES AN UNHAPPY RELATIONSHIP SEEMS BETTER THAN NO RELATIONSHIP AT ALL - BUT AN UNHAPPY RELATIONSHIP CAN ONLY LAST FOR SO LONG. BARBARA MESSER PROVIDES ADVICE ON HOW TO KNOW WHEN IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON ... AND THEN WHAT.

When we're in love we're not always very rational, which explains why being in love is so much fun. We experience a sense of excitement, spontaneity, passion, adoration, a glowing warmth and affection. There's no sensation in the world quite like it.

Unfortunately, love can sometimes blind us to situations that make us desperately unhappy. Take the following scenarios, for example.

Justine is a 38-year-old executive who has been with the same partner for five years. They're madly in love, but her boyfriend is adamant he never wants marriage or children, whereas Justine has her heart set on having a family of her own and the clock is ticking. Their relationship has been on the rocks for two years, but after every break-up they end up back together. Is it true love, or doomed to failure?

Rebecca (31) is enjoying a wonderful relationship with a man she met two years ago. The trouble is, this man still lives with his ex-girlfriend. He often talks about moving out, but there's always an excuse: his ex-girlfriend's father is sick; he's too busy at work; he's waiting 'til after New Year. Rebecca suspects there's more to the story. Will he ever truly leave his ex, or is she kidding herself?

Many people find themselves in similar scenarios: they're in love with someone who refuses to commit to the relationship they feel they deserve, but they can't move on. If this sounds familiar, it's time to take charge.

Be honest with yourself

It's time to be really honest with yourself about your relationship. Is this a happy and healthy relationship for you to remain in for the long term? In ten years time do you really feel this relationship will fulfill your desires, or do you deserve a different relationship filled with all the things that are important to you?

Deep down you know the answer to whether things will change and whether you will be happy in the relationship long term. Sometimes, we ignore the wisdom that's staring us right in the face. It's time to trust those inner feelings.

Acknowledge that you are responsible for your current situation and that you are also responsible for making it better. You CAN have the perfect relationships that you desire. It is up to you to walk away from this relationship in order to find a new one.

Lay it all on the table

It's time to be courageous and have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your relationship. Wear your heart on your sleeve - what have you got to lose? If you've decided that you wish to stay with your partner, tell them how much you love them, and why you think you've got a shot at a long-lasting, committed relationship together. Be honest about what is not working for you in the relationship and ask for similar input from your partner. Then together, develop an action plan for creating the relationship you both desire.

However, if you have decided that this relationship is not the best for you, explain to your partner why you feel the way you do and that you have decided you both deserve something better. It's time to be strong, trust your instincts and don't fall for empty promises.

If you feel it is too challenging to talk to them face-to-face, or you feel you may not be able to express yourself properly, write a letter first to gather your thoughts. With the letter written though, it's time to be brave and talk face-to-face. Communication is one of the most important aspects of a successful relationship!

The follow-through

If you've made the decision to leave the relationship, you need to stick to it! This is the most challenging part but you are stronger than you realise. Appreciate the time you spent together for what it was. Know that your next relationship will be even more fulfilling now that you're stronger and wiser. Remember, if he's willing to let you walk out of his life, he doesn't deserve you.

Preparing to leave

Rally your most positive friends and family around you. You'll need lots of positive support (and perhaps some chocolate). Avoid those people who will let you remain feeling sad and sorry for yourself. Although this feels good for a little while, you will need people who will help you to pick yourself up and move on. If you're living with your partner, arrange alternative accommodation so you can make a clean break as soon as possible.

Decide what you really want in a partner

Once you have spent some time grieving for your lost relationship, it's time again to start thinking about what you want for your future in this area of life. Make a list of the things you desire in the perfect partner and write them down. Consider things like: age, sex, build/fitness level, interests, values, financial position. Also consider the type of relationship you want. For example, fun, spontaneous, romantic, adventurous, supportive. Knowing what you are looking for will help you to attract it into your life. For a start, when you meet someone new, you will know whether that person matches up to your ideal partner. Also, deciding the type of person you wish to be with may give you some clues as to where you will find them.

Get back on the market

With a great attitude, get back out there! It's highly unlikely you will meet your perfect partner while sitting at home watching TV. Take a chance and ask some friends to introduce you to any single people they know. Look into the numerous internet dating sites, many people have had great success with these. Even if you don't meet your perfect partner, it will be great experience to go on some dates again.

Remember, you deserve the best that life and love has to offer.