Is lack of confidence sabotaging your dates and keeping you single? Do you ever lack confidence prior to or during a date or social event? Are you finding it difficult to get the confidence to go out and make new friends? Would you like to feel more confident with your family, friends and partner any time you choose?

Below is an effective technique that will help you to have confidence in an instant.

All our thoughts, feelings and actions are connected and every thought we think affects how we feel and how we act. So if you want to feel a certain way all you need to do is to remember a time in the past when you felt that way. For example, if you want to feel confident right now, all you need to do is to remember a time in the past when you felt confident about anything, and you will feel confident right now.

You can also access confidence through a process called anchoring. Simply put, an anchor is when two things are linked together in your brain - a stimulus (eg. see a red traffic light) and a response (eg. stop at red traffic light). We are anchored to things, people, songs, tastes, smells, ads, etc. every day without being aware of it.

Below is a simple five step process to assist you to set up an anchor that will last so that you can tap into more confidence for greater success in all your relationships.

1. Choose a spot to set up the anchor. Pick a unique spot that you can easily access that you would normally not touch. For example, handshakes are too common, so you may wish to pick something more unique, such as a knuckle, a spot on your elbow or pressing two fingers together. Remember to keep the anchor simple so that you can easily replicate it.
2. Think of a specific time in the past when you felt confidence strongly so that you can capture the intensity of that emotion in your chosen spot.
3. Get ready to set up the anchor. Remember that you want to start pressing the chosen spot the moment you start to feel the confidence and keep it pressed until just after you feel the peak of that emotion.
4. Set up the anchor. As you remember a specific time in the past when you really felt the confidence and as you start to feel that emotion, press your chosen spot and hold onto it until the confidence peaks. Just after you feel that the emotion peaks, let go of the anchor.
5. Wait a few moments and think about something different. Now test your anchor by pressing it again in the same spot and with the same intensity as before, and you will feel the confidence that you anchored in that spot.

Your anchor now gives you a choice as to how you feel at any moment and helps you to access the confidence at any time you choose. For example, next time you feel uncomfortable or nervous around other people, you can press your confidence anchor and feel confident instead.

To protect your anchor so it lasts, avoid using it when you feel strong negative emotions (eg. anger, fear, hurt, rejection, etc.). It is best to resolve these negative emotions and any self doubts from the past, otherwise if you use your anchor when you feel those negative emotions or self doubts you could weaken it, negate it completely or even indirectly create an anchor with those negative emotions and/or self doubts instead. Also, if you found it difficult to feel confidence or you have never felt confidence in the past, there may be negative emotions and self doubts that you need to address in order for you to be able to feel confidence, and in order for anchoring to work for you.

You can also top up your anchor and make it stronger. Any time in the future when you feel confidence, you can add it to your existing anchor (you only need to use step 4 above).

Imagine now having the confidence to ask the person you like out on a date, going out and meeting new people and taking your confidence in your existing friendships and relationship to a new level.

Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is the founder of award-winning company Qt, an NLP Trainer, who holds a PhD in Clinical Hypnotherapy and a BEc. She is an author, speaker and the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques. For more techniques on improving your relationships and for your FREE gifts, visit www.qttransformation.com

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