IF YOU ARE GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE OR A SEPERATION, YOUR CHILD MAY HAVE UNINTENTIONALLY BEEN PLACED IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ADULT SITUATION THAT THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH. READ ON AS KATE FILMER SHEADS SOME LIGHT ON HOW TO SMOOTH AN OFTEN BUMPY TRANSITION.

If you have divorced or separated from your partner, you obviously had good reason to do so. However, this is an area we all too commonly see a child's love used as a ploy, a pawn in a game where no one is a winner. Your child does not need to know why and they do not need to be burned by the ins and outs of an adult relationship in their youth. They may already feel at fault, obviously this is not the case , however it is a very confusing time and even though you have a lot on your plate, your child will need more support and assurance than normal. As simple and as obvious as this may sound, some parents still seem to unintentionally leave their children to fend for themselves. It is my belief, that your child has chosen you to be their parent and they had a deep spiritual reason for this. So, if they have chosen you, then they have also chosen their other respective parent. Don't disrespect and confuse your child's vision of their life, by putting down the people they chose to lead them through the beginning of it.

Children can be the centre of so much pain and the reason for this is that we, as parents, love them so very much and often where there is love, there is a place within us that fears the loss of this love. This is why in the situation of divorce or separation, parents can begin an insensitive game of tug o war, trying all the time to avoid losing the little ones they love so very much. You may very well detest your ex-partner and because of this, you may find it difficult to let your child spend time with them. However, children need to know who their parents are and on their own terms. Telling them that daddy is stupid or your mother is vindictive, will only serve to hurt your child. We all know what it feels like if someone puts one of our family members down, it hurts, doesn't it? If you wish to get back at or hurt your ex, don't do it via your child, actually just don't do it at all. We all receive in life what we put out and if you are trying to hurt another person in any way shape or form, you are ultimately only hurting yourself. Children are very perceptive and no matter what you say to them, they are very aware of who their parents are and what negatives they may hold. So if your child comes to you with a complaint about mum or dad, (permitting it isn't abuse) it is more than likely a relationship issue and it is quite fine for your child to experience the feeling of not getting along with all people and personalities types.

A child's heart knows no bounds and as they are an even half of both of you, relationships aside, they will continue intrinsically to love you both as equals.

So how do I become aware that I am doing this and then how can I begin to overcome it?

Step one - Becoming aware
Ask yourself these questions - Do I have a tumultuous relationship with my ex partner? Am I often left hurt by their comments about my parenting? Are my children involved or generally the centre of arguments? Do I unintentionally use my child as leverage within this relationship? Be honest with yourself. The things we need to acknowledge and learn from most within our lives, are always the things we're least likely to admit.

Step two - Overcoming it
Avoid putting your ex down, instead build yourself up as a parent on your own merits. If they are open to it, talk to your child lovingly about the change you are all experiencing and build self esteem and self assurance by staying involved and in touch within their lives. Create the best parenting relationship you can with your ex. Say some affirmations, as in, "We are a team when it comes to parenting the kids." And "We parent better apart then we did together" Then try to find attributes about your ex, you can be grateful for. As in, "I am grateful he is tough on the kids, it makes up for my soft approach." And "I am grateful she is still a part of our lives, it is important for a child to know both of their parents."

By creating dysfunction on one side of the parenting bridge, you actually destroy the bridge in its entirety and no child can overcome life safely on a bridge broken in war. A parental break up can just be a part of life and if you support your child by empowering them every step of the way, you will build a strong supportive bridge that your child will have no fear of crossing.

Kate Filmer is a 30yr young self help author and entrepreneur. She has owned multiple businesses and is the mother of two empowered young girls. Her methods in teaching others draw from her own life experience and from the blissful, clear connection she feels to The Energy That Is. Her passionate goal in life is to assist others to strive forward on their chosen path, with peace and enthusiasm. www.hiddenpath.com.au