Maths, English, Science, Art, Geography..... All familiar subjects for anybody who has been to school, but do you ever remember learning about relationships and marriage?
You may have heard the statistics that 50% of marriages end in divorce, but did you know that 67% of second marriages and 72% of third marriages also end in divorce! So those people who thought they chose the wrong partner the first time apparently chose someone even worse the 2nd and 3rd times! Or is it perhaps, that they haven't worked out how to ‘do' relationship in a satisfying and positive way in the first place?

He says ‘I DO' you say ‘I DO' Yay!! I now pronounce you ‘Husband and Wife' ‘You may now kiss the Bride' Sound familiar?

I remember those words from 15 years ago. I remember the excitement of looking into his eyes, holding hands and saying those magical words to each other. It was a dream moment for me. But holding on to an illusion that the rest of your marriage will be a fairytale will set you and your spouse up for disappointment.

Think about how much time goes into planning that big day. All the expense, organizing, friends, locations....(actually for me our whole wedding was planned and executed in 3 months, thanks to hubby getting injured whilst playing Soccer for Australia). I know, I had mixed feelings.... Not sure whether to be happy or sad, never the less we got married. Thankfully the Doctor had removed his crutches just before he had to walk down the aisle or it may have looked like I was not a woman you would want to say no to!! ;o) Thankfully I can look back on that and laugh now.

My question is why don't we devote more time to becoming the best partner possible? The same way my husband needed to devote endless hours to becoming the best sportsman that he could be. Can that same passion be applied to relationships as well?

Let's check out 4 lessons we never learned at school!

Lesson 1:Healthy, satisfying relationships take hard work. They don't just happen on their own.

I have heard people say ‘If you love someone, then it shouldn't be much work, it should flow easily' Well the same could be said about someone in business. ‘If you love what you do then it shouldn't be much work and it should flow easily'. People in business will appreciate that this is not the case. To be a successful business woman or man you will need to invest large amounts of time, effort, money and commitment and the same goes if you want to achieve a passionate and meaningful relationship.

I heard a joke that said, ‘A man will get married hoping his wife doesn't change, a woman on the other hand gets married hoping to change her husband!!

The truth is we all need to grow in some areas of life as individuals and as a couple, otherwise our relationship will soon pay the price. Have you heard the definition of insanity? ‘DOING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND EXPECTING A DIFFERENT RESULT'. I do confess, insanity has been part of my life from time to time!!!

Lesson 2: Getting Married is not a destination but a journey!
There are two ways to get to an overseas holiday location. By plane or by sea.
To get to your destination fast you go by plane. Usually it is cramped, boring and uncomfortable. The food is usually very average and well the sex is non existent! (mile high club? Haha)

But if you go by ship, right from the moment you board, the holiday has already started. It is no longer a destination you want to get to quickly, but a journey for you to both enjoy together! There is activities, space to go for a walk, and the food is beautifully presented. There is time to enjoy each others company, breath some fresh air and have lots of sex! Even if it is in a crazy bunk bed!!

The point is that married life can be like this. It can be a process of just quickly getting through the trip to reach a ‘destination' (buying a house, having kids, a better car) or it can be a journey that you decide to enjoy from day one when boarding the ocean liner. Look for those activities to do together, the walks and the fresh air. Enjoy your marriage and steer a course together that is about discovery and continual learning. And don't always be the one that insists on holding the steering wheel.

No one starts out a marriage planning for it to end in divorce .Make your marriage a journey and not a quick destination to get to, otherwise you may find that purely focusing on the destination will lead you to another ‘D' word...

Lesson 3: Don't worry be happy!!
You can't give what you don't have. You have to be happy and at peace with yourself before you can create a happy, peaceful and blissful marriage.

Getting married isn't a way to solve all your issues. Only you can do that. Marriage is just about sharing your life with the person you love more than any other. If you bring all of your ‘baggage' into the marriage and your spouse does the same, that's a lot of extra luggage you have to pay for on the plane!

Routine housekeeping is required to keep your home clean and the same applies with emotional housecleaning for intimacy to thrive. It doesn't take long for a marriage to develop serious problems when emotional debris from unresolved conflicts and issues pile up. Things can turn ugly quite fast.

This is why good and honest communication is important. Don't pretend ‘ALL' is good when it isn't!!! Couples who can't talk about their differences and resolve conflict are at high risk for divorce. Feelings of passion, emotional intimacy, and heartfelt connection are all dependent on good and open communication.

A major part of that communication is the words you choose so take care! I remember when my children were little I wanted them to understand the power of the words they chose so I told them that the things they say to others can be like giving a gift or a punch. If in doubt don't say it.

The words we say to our spouses are often the harshest of all and we sometimes forget they can be like a verbal punch that leaves a bruise. Those words do have an impact about how she/he feels about you. Harsh unkind words fuel anger, resentment and bitterness. Kind words nurtures confidence, respect and empathy.

Lesson 4: Don't be a two year old!
When things don't go your way, do you find yourself chucking a tantrum and maybe over-reacting just a little? Terribly twos sometimes can surface in our reactions and there ARE times when spouses won't see eye to eye. I know I have been there many times. Sometimes it can continue too long and as the feelings of closeness and connection lessen you may even feel that there is no longer true love between you and your spouse.

If you have or ARE currently experiencing this, you aren't alone. It really is much the same in every marriage. But that doesn't mean that the marriage is over or that the love is permanently gone. It just means you are in the ‘worse' bit. You know....'for better or for worse, richer and poorer...' At the time it really does seem impossible and too much effort but ifyou decide this is not going to break me, and instead face the music and deal with it, you both will come out the other side stronger. I can speak from personal experience on this one. Sure there have been plenty of ‘for better' moments in my marriage but sometimes the ‘for worse' ones seem just so big and unrelenting.

Success in marriage, as in life, is an inside job. The breakthroughs happen when you take responsibility for your actions and attitudes and focus on what changes YOU can make to improve the relationship.

Be the change you want to see!!!

There is no end to growth. There's always something else to experience and learn which can improve your relationship skills and help you grow more as a person. And in the areas where you choose to resist growth, you'll find yourself endlessly repeating unproductive patterns.

You really do have a choice. ENDURE the ‘relationship plane trip' to reach your fantasy destination or instead ENJOY the journey from day one on the cruise ship of Married life. Sometimes the boat will get a little rocky, sometimes it may go off course, and sometimes it will need refueling, but most of all don't get off the boat!

Join us on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Romance-Me