Do you find yourself feeling down, lonely, depressed, crying at the drop of a hat or feeling overwhelmingly hurt as you think about your ex partner? Are your emotions controlling your life and affecting your performance at work? Do you lack the energy and the motivation to do the things you want to do, including simple everyday activities? Would you like to put some joy, motivation and excitement back in your life?

Some people can cope effectively after a relationship break up, while others find it difficult to cope and can become depressed. They may lose motivation, focus and energy and may get caught up in the emotions following the break up.

Learning About Ourselves

Relationship break ups can bring up other issues for some people eg. rejection, fear of being alone, betrayal, abandonment, fear of being hurt, not feeling good enough/worthy/deserving, not feeling loved, etc. A relationship break up helps us to learn about ourselves. For example, if someone goes through a relationship break up and starts to feel not good enough, they may realise that most of their life they settled for less than what they deserved in their relationships, career, health and all areas of their life because they did not feel good enough.

The relationship they were in may have simply "masked" their underlying issue because of the dynamic that was created between the two people in that relationship. Once the dynamic stopped when the relationship ended, it revealed an underlying belief that needed to be addressed for that person to learn about themselves and for them to grow.

Balanced versus unresolved emotions

Emotions are our way of knowing that something feels comfortable or uncomfortable for us. Therefore, paying attention to our emotions is very important. All emotions are good because they provide us with feedback as to whether something sits well with us or not. There are two types of emotions: balanced emotions and unresolved emotions.

Our emotions are balanced when we feel an appropriate level of emotion in a particular situation. For example, if we are watching a sad movie, it is appropriate to feel sad. Any time we feel an emotion that is out of proportion to the situation that we are in, it is a sign that it may be unresolved. For example, road rage is an example of unresolved past anger and crying for no reason may be a sign of unresolved past sadness.

It is important to address the unresolved emotions. For as long as we ignore the unresolved emotions that we feel we may turn to food, smoking, alcohol, other substances or have other undesired behaviours as a way of dealing with our emotions and coping with life. When we do this, we are covering up our emotions and encouraging the unwanted behaviours.

Holding on to unresolved emotions can also prevent us from doing what we desire in life. For instance, unresolved hurt can prevent people from getting into another relationship even when they really want one. Unresolved fear can prevent people from taking action and have them feeling stuck and unfulfilled. Because unresolved emotions are trapped energy, we can feel tired or lethargic as a result and lack the energy to do things in life, even simple every day activities.

Getting back on track

Because depression is a combination of unresolved emotions, by resolving these emotions you can also resolve depression. In addition, there may also be other issues that need to be addressed (eg. self esteem, body image issues, limiting beliefs, etc. as mentioned above) in order for depression to be fully resolved.

Our behaviours are driven by our memories, values, beliefs, emotions, language, etc. Because these are stored at the unconscious level, any changes we wish to make in our behaviours, beliefs, emotions, etc need to happen with the co-operation of the unconscious mind (some call it the subconscious mind). By working with the unconscious mind, addressing unresolved emotions (such as depression, rejection, hurt, abandonment, loneliness, betrayal, anger, etc) is faster and longer lasting than working on a conscious level (via purely analytical and conversational techniques).

Imagine easily, comfortably and safely overcoming depression after a break up and putting the joy, energy, motivation and excitement back in your life.

Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is the founder of award-winning company Qt, an NLP Trainer, who holds a PhD in Clinical Hypnotherapy and a BEc. She is an author, speaker and the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques. For more techniques on improving your relationships and for your FREE gifts, visit www.qttransformation.com