Have you ever wondered how relationships with family, friends and/or a partner can sour over time? Would you like to learn how to avoid ruining any relationship and getting your existing relationships with your partner, family and friends back on track?

Associations and Meanings

As we relate to our partner, family and friends, we are unconsciously forming associations and meanings in our brain. Some of these associations and meanings are positive and others can be negative. For example, think of a family member, a friend or a partner right now. As you now think about that person, do you have a positive image of them, hear a positive voice or feel positive feelings about that person? If so, then in your brain you have probably created a positive association with them. Or as you think about that person, do you feel angry, sad or any other negative emotion, do you have a negative image, or hear a negative voice? If so, then you have unconsciously probably created a negative association with that person.

If we have consistently positive relationships with our partner, family and friends, we want to spend more time with them and they want to spend more time with us, and we both enjoy each others' company more. On the other hand, if we have consistently negative associations when we relate to our partner, family or friends, this can result in ill feelings, conflict and can progressively sour those relationships over time.

One sure fire way to ruin any relationship is by having too many or too intense negative associations with another person. You family, friends and partner have also formed either positive or negative associations in their brain in relating to you. Because our unconscious mind learns very quickly, these associations (whether positive or negative) are formed very quickly with other people, and can also be reinforced over time. For example, if every time you speak to a friend on the phone you always complain or gossip about others, after a while the meaning or association they give to relating to you can become negative. They may feel negative feelings as they talk to you and you may find that they call you less often.

Negative associations can also develop between partners over time. For example, every time a couple goes to bed they argue or talk about their problems in bed. This can link arguing and talking about problems, and all the associated feelings, to the bed. Often this can lead to less intimacy in bed because of those ill feelings and negative associations that are triggered every time they go to bed in the future.

Creating Positive Associations

The best way to avoid creating a negative association in the first place is to be aware of how you are now relating to your partner, family and friends. Do you complain every time you come home from work and speak with your partner? Are you usually frowning around friends? Is your energy and mood low around family members? Do you often use a commanding or demeaning tone of voice?

Instead, think about the associations and meanings you would prefer to create with other people. Here is a simple step by step process to help you to from now on create positive associations with your partner, family and friends:

1. Decide on the positive association and positive feeling you want to have with that person eg. fun, excitement, happiness, confidence, etc
2. Decide on how you want to create that positive association with them eg. facial expression, upbeat energy, feeling confident, a pleasant tone of voice, etc
3. Next time you are with that person, make sure that you create that positive association between you and them by using your chosen facial expression, tone of voice, etc. Also make sure that if you want to create a certain feeling with them (eg. fun), you are in that mood yourself first.
4. Repeat this positive association every time you are with that person and each time you would like to reinforce the positive feeling between the two of you.

If you currently have any negative associations with other people, stop adding to them now and start to create the positive associations instead. Depending on how intense the negative associations are, you may need to create stronger positive ones that outweigh the negative. With your partner, if you want to only have a positive association to the bed (eg. intimacy), make sure that you make it off limits to fight or discuss problems in bed and only reserve the bed for intimacy. If past family events and holidays were boring or challenging, start to inject some fun and adventure at those events instead, and begin to turn the negative associations into positive ones.

Enjoy and have some fun creating positive associations with your partner, family and friends and watch your relationships with them blossom.

Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is the founder of award-winning company Qt, an NLP Trainer, who holds a PhD in Clinical Hypnotherapy and a BEc. She is an author, speaker and the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques. For more techniques on improving your relationships and for your FREE gifts, visit www.qttransformation.com