Do you find yourself getting stressed, frustrated, angry, upset or anxious when you communicate with your family? And when was the last time you had a disagreement or a misunderstanding with them?

Why is effective communication so important?
Effective communication improves harmony between people and creates greater synergy in any relationship. Research has also shown that anytime we have a pleasant experience it increases our immune system, while an unpleasant experience can reduce our immune system. So by making our communication more pleasant without stress, anxiety, frustration, hurt or anger, we are also having a positive impact on our health and overall wellbeing.

Five Sure-fire Ways to Improve Your Communication
Here are five sure-fire ways to help you avoid misunderstandings, disagreements and family feuds.

1. A difference of style
Often when we speak with members of our family we find ourselves saying the same thing, only in a different way. Because we can use different words to them, sometimes what we say can be misinterpreted, misheard or even ignored by them. There are four major communication styles: visual (pictures), auditory (sounds), kinesthetic (feelings) and auditory digital (self talk), and each one uses a different set of words. Most people use a combination of communication styles and some have a strong preference for one or two styles. When you tailor the words you use to match your family member's preferred communication style, this will greatly assist them to clearly see, easily get in touch with and understand what you are saying, and will help to avoid disagreements.

2. Chunk your information appropriately
When was the last time you asked one of your family members "How was your day?" Did they give you a short answer like "fine" or perhaps they gave you so much information that you found yourself switching off and not listening to what they said? Some people need a lot of detail before they can proceed with a task or make a decision so they may ask you lots of questions. Avoid interpreting this as them being nosy, giving you the third degree or wanting to control you. Other people simply need to be told the big picture and may therefore ask very few, if any, questions. Avoid misinterpreting this as a lack of interest on their part. Start becoming aware of the differences in your and your family members' styles so you can give them the appropriate level of information.

3. Really listen
When we are caught up with all the thoughts inside our head we can miss out on really hearing what members of our family say to us. This can lead to misunderstandings in our communication. Instead, shift the focus from your internal dialogue (that little voice inside your head) and really listen, hear and focus your attention on what the other person is saying. Show a genuine interest in them and they will appreciate it and you even more. If you both like to talk, take it in turns to speak while the other really listens, so that both of your needs are fulfilled.

4. Be flexible
If your communication is not being received the way you intend it, use it as feedback to change your approach. If you only communicate in your own preferred style and your family members' styles are very different to yours, you may never stop the disagreements or misunderstandings in your family. In any family relationship, it is important that you are both flexible and adapt to the needs of each other, so do share these tools with other members of your family so that they too can be more effective in their communication with you.

5. Let go of the past
In addition to communicating more effectively with your family, it is also important to let go of the past. Dwelling on the past will keep your family relationships in the past. You will be unable to create more empowering relationships with them in the future for as long as you keep dragging what happened in the past into the present and the future. Because to the extent that you still hold onto past hurts, fears, anger, rejection, betrayal, abandonment, etc you will keep having these "buttons" pushed by your family until you resolve them. Similarly, if you have beliefs around lack of self worth, being judged, fear of rejection, etc., and if these are left unresolved, they can also trigger an overreaction to what you family says or does, and lead to a disagreement.

Be aware of the above differences between you and the other members in your family and also acknowledge any emotions and beliefs that are driving your communication and reactions to your family. Then you can apply the above strategies to be more effective in your communication and to end the family feuds.

Dr. Vesna Grubacevic is the founder of award-winning company Qt, an NLP Trainer, who holds a PhD in Clinical Hypnotherapy and a BEc. She is an author, speaker and the creator of breakthrough behavioural change techniques. For more techniques on improving your relationships and for your FREE gifts, visit www.qttransformation.com