Abuse is a serious problem that affects everyone - directly or indirectly. It is not just a personal, domestic, cultural, or national problem - abuse is a growing global problem. It causes debilitating circumstances for the victim, and can lead to shattered hearts and lives. Childhood and or adult abuse have long-lasting ramifications, in which victims often find themselves dealing with serious psychological, emotional, spiritual, and physical imbalances.

Abuse can occur in many different contexts including the home and workplace; learning and care institutes; religious and community settings; social and public environments; and etc. Nobody deserves to be abused. This includes children, teenagers, adults and the elderly. Everyone deserves respect. No matter how justified the reasons for the abuse are, it is very important to understand that abuse is unacceptable on all levels. An abuser may use direct or indirect threat, emotional blackmail, manipulation, force or violence (physical, mental, verbal, or sexual) to exert fear and control over another human being - thus robbing a person's ability to fight back and defend themselves.

Women and children victimized by abuse, are usually afraid to disclose the event/s and its details, because of (1) fear that they will suffer greater consequences; or because (2) they will not be believed; or (3) they fear that harm will come to the perpetrator; or that (4) the perpetrator might retaliate in some other way. Most victims are commonly taught not to "dish the dirt," especially on parents, other family members, relatives, spouse, close friends or people in power positions. Therefore, breaking the silence may only intensify the guilt, vulnerability, and misery they already feel.

Unable to confront the daily pain and grief, they disassociate from their emotional self. As a means of coping, they learn to hide the trauma, to "act normal." The pain, shame and terror slowly become a deeply repressed secret. Over time, the abusive experiences, secrecy and silence, negatively inundate their sense of self, their relationships, and their model of the world. As they get older, events that remind them of what happened, (i.e. reading a similar event in the news) trigger suppressed memories and reactions, which can leave the abused individual in an emotionally paralysed state of grief and vulnerability. A part of the growing person gets stuck in a younger grieving place within, and they usually begin to ask questions such as:

• Why me?
• How did God allowed this to happen?
• What did I do wrong?
• What did I ever do to deserve the abuse?
• Why do I not fit in or belong anywhere?
• Why can't anyone see and understand how much I am hurting?
• Why do I feel so alone?
• Why isn't anyone helping me?

One of the most common effects of the impact of abuse is Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). This type of stress falls into three categories: (1) re-enactment of the event; (2) avoidance or withdrawal; and (3) physiological hyper-activity or hyper-sensitivity, as survivors carry a great deal of pain and fear, through conscious or recovered memories. Development of, or an increase in physical complaints, such as headaches, stomachaches, hives, allergies, feeling unwell - (despite a normal physical exam by a medical doctor) are secondary effects. When a person has been abused, thoughts like "I'm not good enough, and I will never be good enough," seem to become ingrained in the psyche, leading to emotional problems. They may feel impure in their mind, body and spirit.

The feelings of pain and grief, along with the constant thoughts of the trauma can get in the way of living a healthy, stable and happy life. It can potentially cause significant damage on other relationships as well. The negative effects of abuse can be compounded by the reactions of parents, siblings, and other important people in the victim's life. Sometimes siblings of the survivor blame the abused, either because they believe the perpetrator's denials, or simply because of what reporting the abuser has done to the family. When either parent does nothing to stop the abuse, the victim can lose trust in both parents, and the entire family. Unfortunately, these feelings and thoughts do not magically disappear, hence the importance of healing and recovery.

No matter how it happened, abuse is frightening and traumatic. Someone who has been abused needs care, comfort, and help to heal. Most survivors of abuse want to be truly heard and understood. They need to identify with someone who understands them without judgement, is unconditional and committed in their love, support, and care.
Healing begins when the silence is broken. Although seemingly an overwhelming task, especially after years of concealment, it is possible to experience a breakthrough with the help of a trained professional, and finally find inner peace, happiness and fulfilment.

1. Be Proactive and Embrace Professional Help
A proactive approach to dealing with past abuse involves getting professional help, and taking an introspective look at what happened. Unresolved abuse creates inner confusion, and self-harm. Unhealed abuse can live on in various forms and can affect future generations - as some victims go on to become abusers themselves. Learn how to fill the inner void with self-love, and self-acceptance. Remember, the trauma need not survive in the survivor any longer.

2. Address Your Emotional Health
Seeking help and emotional support through a trained professional is the best way to ensure long-term healing. There are various forms of healing modalities including counselling and psychotherapy, available to assist in helping to minimize the negative effects of abuse. Working through the pain sooner rather than later can help reduce symptoms like nightmares, flashbacks or weight issues. It can also help someone avoid potentially harmful behaviours and emotions, like major depression, paranoia, or self-injury. Therapy following abuse, has been known to have many positive healing effects. Healing helps survivors to feel empowered, reclaim their true identity, and move forward.

Savleen Bajaj is an internationally respected leadership authority, human behaviour expert, success coach, professional speaker, psychologist, author, facilitator and consultant. Savleen dedicates her life to inspiring and empowering success principles to individuals, families and organizations. She is the founder of Lotus World Centre for Personal Intelligence. For more info, or to subscribe to her newsletter, please email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it <!-- document.write( '</' ); document.write( 'span>' ); //--> or visit www.savleenbajaj.com