It is true for many of us that our natural state of thinking tends to be more negative than positive. There is a very good reason for this, these negative responses are based on the firmly entrenched, very deep beliefs we hold about ourselves. These beliefs have come from a multitude of sources and include the oldies but goodies (my eyes are rolling skyward at the moment) such as ‘big boys don't cry, nice girls don't get angry, you shouldn't trust people or it is hard to be alone' etc. Not unlike computers we become programmed, the problem is that unlike computers we forget to update the hard drive.

The more powerful beliefs that we hold are usually ones created as a result of a particularly painful experience. At the time it may have been particularly relevant however as time passes, as we mature into adulthood it may not be so relevant or helpful. As adults we have personal power, and we can choose beliefs and subsequent actions which reclaim our personal power. Such action will dissolve the power these experiences have held over us for far too long.

How do we identify if a belief is false or not? The easy answer is they just don't make you feel good, they limit you from engaging in a full life, they sabotage your ability to engage in truly intimate relationships and they kick the hell out of your self esteem. You might find yourself trapped in an anxiety filled existence. You may be constantly anticipating the worst in every situation, putting yourself down, or setting yourself up for failure by setting unreasonable demands for you to meet. You may be engaged in a constant cycle of energy sucking worry, and believe that you have to do far more than anyone else to achieve your goals no matter how big or small they may be. Your confidence will be constantly under attack as you tell yourself that you count for nothing unless you succeed at all you do and have the constant approval of others. Maybe you will refuse to participate or attempt in new things or even old things if you don't think you can do it perfectly. Maybe you will tell yourself there is no point in trying.

The point is that most of us have ‘issues' and more often than not they have come to be as a result of our inability to express our deepest fears. We then create stories around these fears. The stories I like to call ‘false beliefs' and are usually created in response to childhood experiences related to abandonment, feeling damaged, feeling inferior, feeling rejected or feeling shamed. These feelings may have resulted after years of receiving the same negative messages or as a result of a deeply traumatic experience.

The response to these deeply held beliefs are often unconscious and are demonstrated by compensatory behaviours. Someone who has been shamed may be overly nice, working really hard in their relationships as deep down they believe they are bad. The macho, domineering male down the street may be over compensating for feelings of inferiority. The controlling friend may be over compensating due to her profound fear of being abandoned.

Unfortunately these fear fuelled behaviours which are driven by our ‘false beliefs' will create the exact situation that we are desperately trying to avoid. We will throw our arms up in the air totally stunned and ask the question ‘why does this keep happening to me?' and promptly set off on the same path as before. If your ‘false beliefs' are leading you down the path of a fear controlled life and is slowly making your world smaller and smaller. Maybe you could consider facing those fears and moving into the full life that each and every one of us deserves.

Shelley Murphy is a Counsellor, Heal Your Life Workshop Leader, Angel Therapist, Reiki Master, Artist, and Writer who is passionate about personal empowerment. For more information email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or visit http://users.adam.com.au/buddha/healyourlife.htm